There are lots of ways I’ve got over the break-up of my marriage and everything that has come since, but one of the biggest has been talking to my friends. My family have been an incredible support, but there’s certain things you can only talk to your female friends about right? I also think there’s different types of friends too that help you in different ways and I’m lucky to have had the support of an amazing group of ladies, not limited to those I’m going to talk about today.
But I think these are the Four Types of Friends every girl needs to get over a break up and the part of me they speak to; the Heart, the Head, the Hand and the Soul.
THE OLDEST & BEST FRIEND
This friend knows you the best, knows your past and everything about you. They’ve been there through it all including probably when you met the guy you’ve now broken up with. My friend Vicky has been there through more men troubles I care to count. Before I met my now ex-husband, she was the one that was always there with a cup of tea or a glass of wine and a cigarette rolled (back when I smoked) ready to listen, to talk and even to give me a place to stay on several occasions. She saw my relationship with my ex start, was one of the first I told when I was engaged and was bridesmaid at my wedding. When he ended it she was one of the first people I called in tears. In a lot of ways she’s always had a slightly motherly role in my life, she is incredibly nurturing and caring as a person and has always been there to look after me and my well being. She definitely speaks to the heart of the matter and despite being a practical minded person like me, she is always the person to talk from hers and understand how things make me feel or how they affect me emotionally.
You need this friend because they will be the one who supports you when your emotions are too much to bear. When you can’t stop crying and when your heart really aches. They’ll be there with a warm hug, caring affection and that love that only a true best friend can give.
THE PRACTICAL TALKER
Everyone needs a practical talker in their life and most definitely to get yourself over a break up. They are the friend who will tell it like it is and approach everything with a practical mind. It’s not that they can't be emotional, they can be that too, but they are always on hand with advice that comes from a positive and proactive standpoint and often you need that. Emma is my practical talking friend. She has been incredible since the split last year and I honestly think it’s brought us a lot closer actually. She’s always on WhatsApp or on the phone when I need her and a chat with her always leaves me feeling productive and with a mind to get on with stuff you know! She doesn’t dwell in the past and certainly doesn’t let me wallow. In a break up you need that person who will push you on forwards as it’s very easy to get stuck and sink into sad emotional thoughts. She most definitely talks to the “Head” part of me and keeps me grounded in that sense.
This friend will always be the one to help you think about those life admin things that unfortunately happen as part of a break up, like money, belongings, dogs etc and you need this friend because these decisions can honestly be the hardest part of a split.
FYI Emma should also double up as the bad mouther of the ex as she is always ready with a colourful word about my ex, which sometimes, do you know what it’s good to hear! Every so often you really need a friend to call the ex a knob head because it means you don’t have to!
The Work Wife
Having a friend at work is so important in a break up I think. You need that friend who will help get you through the working day, to chat to in your tea break and to get drunk with at the Christmas Party. I don’t work in an office anymore and I’m so happy to have a friend who does what I do, who supported me as I tried to get through a break up and keep working. That friend is Hannah.
Me and Hannah often meet for coffee and to catch up and it has been great to have her to bounce work ideas off and just to vent about unpaid invoices, the Instagram algorithm and other work-related niggles. She’s helped me stay on track and be positive about work and also regularly hires me to shoot her photos which not only keeps me in Starbucks caramel macciatos, but also helps keep my love of photography satisfied too.
That’s not to say that Hannah is only a work friend, she is so much more than that and we have become so close in the last year that I count her as one of my closest friends. But if it’s a work convo I need she’s the gal I’ll talk to. She keeps me going work wise and totally speaks to the Hand part of me to keep me working and keep me motivated.
THE SINGLE FRIEND
And last but by no means least is the single friend. Do not underestimate the benefit of the single friend in your newly single life. I honestly believe I would not have got through the last few months if it hadn’t of been for my single friend Lucy. In fact, Lucy became a friend because of my break up. We were set up by a mutual friend Erica who believed we would have a lot in common, as we were both going through a divorce for similar reasons and both starting out in the dating app world.
At first I’ll be honest I was offended. I thought “What, just because we’re both getting a divorce that means we’ll automatically get on?” But after one dinner I knew instantly we would and we have been firm friends ever since.
The thing about the single friend is they get it!
Of course, your other friends are there to support you, but no one understands that feeling of loss you experience after a break up or divorce better than someone going through it too. Lucy gets how it feels to have to talk to solicitors, to have to start putting values of money on things, to have to see the ex that broke your heart and keep it amicable.
While others are off with their partners and family, Lucy has been there to watch Sex & The City with, eat snacks and drink G&T’s with, because like me she just needed company that night.
But the biggest thing has been the support you can give each other through the trials and tribulations of dating apps. When we were both on the apps (which we’re not at the mo) we would WhatsApp countless times a day updating each other, complaining that we’d been unmatched or ghosted and boosting each other when those highs of dating inevitably turned to lows. If you read my last post you’ll know that I’ve been up and down with a certain guy and Lucy has been the one who has been there through it all. She’s messaged excitedly after we spent the weekend together to get the gossip and cancelled plans to come round and console me when I’ve cried because he’s left and broken it off.
We understand the feelings each other has, because we’re both going through the same thing. We also both understand the importance of making plans and having things to look forward to and so we make sure we go out for drinks or dinner or just sit and chat over a can of pink gin and tonic.
Lucy is quite spiritual so she definitely talks to the Soul part of me. She is always there with a wise word about life and love and always empowers me to believe I’m worth more than the many men who’ve broken my heart.
The single friend is your lifeline, they want to go out at weekends and talk about dating and they’ll never tire of hearing you talk about your divorce or break up because they get that its all-consuming for you, because it is for them too.
I honestly don’t know what I would of done without mine. If you don’t have one, try and find one, you won’t regret it.
To all my friends and my family, thank you for your love and support.
Debs
xxxx
1 Comment
Love this post, I can relate to this, a divorce is consuming and heartbreak is tiring, but great friends to listen and get drunk with, really do help.
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